It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
