his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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