did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
