Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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