I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
