i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
