I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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