FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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