Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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