End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
