just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
