i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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