He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
