I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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