Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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