Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
