i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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