i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
