Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
