doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize