I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
