so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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