Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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