if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
