She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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