i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
