i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
