I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
