Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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