Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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