Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
