I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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