The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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