You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
