she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize