i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The power of my boobs compel you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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