The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
