but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
