YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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