i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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