Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
