shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
