I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
