just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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