He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
