if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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