so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
