I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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