Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
