Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
