is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
