break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
