Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
