Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Boobs are out for the taking
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
