I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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