everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
