My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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