Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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