i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
