When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
