I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
