A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
