dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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