um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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