she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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