i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
