Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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