Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
