I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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