I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize