she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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